The long, bionic arm of Robots Fighting Magazine.
Predictions for Super Bowl Sunday:
Terrell Owens receptions: zero
Troy Brown interceptions: one
Crappiest tasting beer commercial: Budweiser Select
Number of times Belichick is referred to as a "genius": eight
Refernces to Patriots' dynasty: eleven
Farting horses: zero
Paul McCartney's Playlist: Twist and Shout, Band on the Run, Maybe I'm Amazed, Hey Jude
New England 35, Philly 24
MVP: Corey Dillon
Now, it is no secret that I enjoy my Scissor Sisters CD. Let's be straight, "Take Your Mama" and its neighbors capture the exuberant spirit of Elton John in a beat savvy funk that one cannot help but sing along with in one's best BeeGee's falsetto.
I had my suspicions on the Scissor Sisters being a little too ***fab*** for my tastes when I opened the CD booklet to find the penultimate Queer Eye for the Queer Guy portrait of "Paddy Boom". To quickly explain before moving on to my actual point here, the picture captured a sort of belonging-ness of glamour that I have a general distaste for. If you want to stand out in a crowd, do it, fine, i love you, but if you want to fit into a crowd through exuberance, well, -5 points in my catalog.
Even so, the last thing I would expect from the Scissor Sisters was their performance on the Colin Farrell hosted Saturday Night Live that I caught this past weekend.
It was enough to convince me that white people should have their feet stapled to the ground and hands bound to their sides as a general, all-encompassing federal law.
No soul, no spirit, no life... No rhythm.
They tried, I'll give them that. But this is a band that, despite what the album might imply, should not be allowed in public places. The volume of awkwardness that was on display is not measurable by human instruments; scientists will work for centuries trying to theorize just how large it is. Legs flicked themselves backwards from the knee in a frequency that even Elaine Benes would frown upon. I knew the Scissor Sisters were white, but, I'm telling you, they were white.
For a band that prides themselves on techno-glam-pop personality, this is unacceptable.
What can we do, you may ask? Nothing directly that I can think of, but please write your senator and plead for the aforementioned legislation against caucasion rhythmic expression. Thank you, good night.
