The Funny Thing About Putin

The Funny Thing About Putin

The funny thing about Putin is the way he says, "I had nothing to do with this," with a clear and present wink. The ex-KGB colonel just pounds the opposition with every tactic he's got, but expects (and gets) people to just nod along.

In the last election, he answered the question "What's your policy?" with "I won't tell." Does the fact that he wins with only murmurs from the opposition mean that he's a genius or a bully or maybe just an ex-KGB colonel in politics?

You must have to be Catholic

A: You must have to be Catholic.

Q: What was Mom Martens' response to Mel Gibson's The Passion?

Please don't sing us a melody

A fairly big pet peeve of mine is when when people sing along to pop songs (whether they be rock, hip-hop, country... whatever) in their "pretty voices."

Yesterday, one of my coworkers was singing very melodically along with the Beatles "I'm Looking Through You" in this soft, passionate way like it was "Yesterday" or "Amazing Grace". The problem is that the glory of the imperfections is lost; "You're not the same," instead of being this coarse, assertive holler that -ahem- fits the music turns into this loungey whine. Blegh.

My favorite part of "Build Me Up Buttercup" is the "WhhhhYYYYY do you..." Specifically, the "WhhhhYYYY" because it's a dry. strained exhale that just builds all the tension for the chorus. This part gets mauled by sing-alongs all the time. It's like the entire song is getting sold out in one second.

And these are the most fun parts to sing. So, I just cannot stand it when someone sings over them with their crappy, trying not to sound crappy crap crap voices. I mean, what fun is singing along with Bob Dylan if you don't contort your voice like a Cirque De Soleil clown... What's the use of a rendition of "Beast of Burden" without an accentuated imitation of Mick Jagger singing "Pre Ty Pre Ty Pre Ty Pre Ty."

There are people out there wasting the best moments of pop music with their classically-trained for karaoke voices; IT NEEDS TO STOP!

Things that make you go hmmmmm

While watching Dennis Miller, I saw a new commercial for Viagra featuring "We Are the Champions" by Queen.

I'm not sure if the good people at Pfizer knew the song is a major gay anthem or if they're just trying to appeal to a new set of consumers. After all, homosexuals have erectile dysfunction too, right?

Crime doesn't pay

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...

William Ligue, Jr., the man who attacked Kansas City Royals coach Tom Gamboa two years ago, violated his probabtion over the weekend.

What a surprise.

Ligue allegedly tested positive for marijuana three times during the month of December, and will now, god willing, head to prison. Prosecutors urged the judge in the case to give Ligue jail time to begin with, but the judge gave him probabation. Since then, the state of Illinois has passed a law making it a felony to illegally enter restricted areas, such as a playing field, basketball court, locker room or stage. A violation carries up to three years in prison and a fine of at least $1,000.

Ligue used the death of his infant daughter to explain away his actions from that night, saying he turned to drugs after her death. (No word if Ligue had another infant daughter die in November of this year) He was under the influence of five drugs that night, including cocaine, marijuana and Valium. While chaperoning his nephew's 13th birthday party.

"That was not me that night," Ligue told the Daily Southtown. later. "I was going through so much stress. ... I see on the videotape (that) I was out of my mind. I had to let anger out and it came out that way."

Sure. The real him is just a loser druggie, not a violent lunatic.

I never quite understood why White Sox fans got such a bad rap over this case. The criminal element in our society will almost always find a way to commit a crime if he really wants to. This was not a reflection on Sox fans or basball fans. This was a criminal committing an act of violence. Where the system failed was in the sentencing. As I said, criminals will find a way to commit their activities -- it's up to the legal system to punish the criminals for their actions and deter others from doing the same thing.

After Ligue another fan did the same thing to an umpire at Comiskey (fine, U.S. Cellular Field) last year. Determent failed. Ligue now has found himself on the wrong side of the law yet again. Punishment failed.

There is good news -- the man who attacked the umpire was sentenced to jail time. I believe he got three months. We'll see if he decides to violate his probation.

Grey Tuesday

Grey Tuesday

So, if you haven't heard... DJ Danger Mouse (a guy who reportedly has done gigs wearing a large mouse costume) has mixed a cut-up of Jay-Z's Black Album and the Beatles' White Album to create... The Grey Album.

On a purely critical level, the Grey Album is an interesting reenvisioning of Jay-Z's album but shouldn't be considered a tribute to the Beatles. While the mixes are smart, they are frequently sloppy with the White Album samples. As a an album, it pales to a great number of official releases and really doesn't deserve some of the frothing accolades it is receiving.

But.

It's free.

And.

It's become the centerpiece of a copyright litigation protest called Grey Tuesday, which is occuring right now as I type this. EMI has threatened lawsuits on sites distributing the free musical experiment, and so these sites and many others (maybe on principle, maybe caught up in the excitement) are distributing the album anyway on this day.

However, as neat as it is, I don't think the Grey Album is strong enough a piece of art to become a rallying banner for actual change. And, as I've said before on other issues, the problem is that the protest groups are stirring the muck, but they're not guiding the solution. Grass-roots groups like Downhill Battle do an excellent job of piquing public interest, but they end up losing the long term debate by not engaging law-makers and officials with sensible solutions or interpretations.

But. Hats off to Downhill Battle (and all other Grey Tuesday participants)for standing up to the internet-infamous Cease and Desist letters. Even if there could be better long-term strategies, their short-term efforts are a noble attempt to seize back the power on the internet from corporate powers that are claiming it as their own.

Save the Pinata

Save the Pinata

Turnpike Films has a series of very funny mock-up ads for various brands. Check out this one and then click on next or previous to work your way through the cycle.

Technologically Proficient

Technologically Proficient

Got to spend a good chunk of today working on the site as you may or may not notice.

As those links show, the graphic menu system on the main page is starting to take form and promises endless fun for everyone involved. Also, there is now a working archive section to the blog. So, if you missed my post in December about Outkast's "Hey Ya" and are now wondering what I would have to say about it... well, you can try and find it. Good luck, chump. I've updated the link bar once again taking the out-of-season Carnivale link off and switching Tuesday Morning Quarterback to Gregg Easterbrook's non-football column/blog on the New Republic. Good stuff, highly recommended for frequent reading.

I'm learning more and more about Blogger script and honestly, enjoy the power and customizability of it. I've been thinking about switching to a MySQL based server blog script, but I think this gets us a little more exposure and certainly does the job in a simple fashion.

Finally, comments are now available and I encourage you to use them. Follow up on a post with your own witty remarks, ask the author important questions, just waste everyone's time with random statements... the power is yours!

New Merchandise

New Merchandise from Oak Street Park

Over the summer I decided to try and design some Abercrombie-esque t-shirts publicizing fake locations or events. The t-shirts would be ridiculous but (like their A&F brethren) would have just enough realism that people might have to give them a second glance.

The only idea that really came to fruition was the Oak Street Park Hippie Burn... An annual event where, presumably, hippies are burned to the great entertainment of spectators. I think this event may occur with the hippies being willing participants as it cleans them of pachouli stink and pachouli dirt like a prairie fire rejuvinated the plains of the New World. Of course, no hippies are forcibly ignited. They do, however, run like antelopes out of control once ablaze.

Oak Street Park Hippie Burn T-Shirts are now avaliable for a limited time at the RF Store. The Hippie Burn logo is vibrantly colored and captures the true essence of this fictional event. Future incarnations of the shirt will be one-color printings, so this is a good chance for hippies and not-hippies to get their hands on this celebratory memorabilia.

Fall of the House of Mouse

Fall of the House of Mouse

Saw Michael Eisner on Larry King Live the other day.

Ouch.

As well as he did trying to hide his worry about the upcoming board meeting (which might result in his ousting) with descriptions of attractions as "awesome", it was painfully obvious the kind of stress he is under internally.

The guy obviously loves what he does, but his tragic flaw may be that he believes too strongly in the power of the brand. With attacks from all sides, it is becoming increasingly apparent that Disney isn't a media superpower; it can't expect creative talent (like the folks at Pixar) to come groveling to its feet anymore. Disney needs to work to regain its mythic status and its going to require an about-face turn around. Because of his love for his place and the company itself, Eisner, if he continues to be obsessed with brand power, will ride the company into the ground.

Victims of Freshness

Victims of Freshness

The words "more fresher" were uttered many times to me today.

Some answers regarding the current Chipotle crisis based on my conversation with the manager of my workplace Chipotle.

The recipes haven't changed, I was told; apparently, though, the stores will be making the salsas from fresh ingredients on site. This means your salsa will be fresher.

It's funny then, that your salsa tastes more like not fresh salsa.

Still, it may be necessary to plead the Cheese and Macaroni defense. It's true that fresh ingredients often do equal better food, but occasionally they don't. Macaroni and Cheese is horrid trash if made with real cheese, but dehydrated cheese is enough to make kids worship the stuff.

FREE GREEN CHILI!

If you see...

If you see Beatles albums go on sale for incredible prices, DON'T buy them!!! It's all a ruse.

Picked up the reissue of Bob Dylan's Blonde on Blonde and continue to be floored by SACD hybrid reissues (hybrid discs can be played on either SACD or CD players). The SACD format allows audio to be stored in distinct channels corresponding to a 5.1 speaker set up, so sound engineers are able to emulate the actual space which musicians recorded in. From the Crutchfield Advisor's interview with Dylan reissues producer Steve Borkowitz:

The panning presents Bruce Langhorne (guitar) on the left and the bass on the right, with Bob in the middle — exactly like the stereo. But now, you have the actually palpable sound of the musicians playing in a room — in a real space. It’s three-dimensional, just like it was when he recorded it. The only thing you hear at the back is the stuff that you would naturally hear behind you in the room.

For those without a 5.1 SACD system (I'm still not quite to that point yet either), it's important to note that the work put into the SACD tracks is so intensive that it comes across remarkably even on a simpler system. Extensive work is done working with original masters in an effort to pull out all the detail and sound they contain. You can hear instruments as individual units of a song, giving the music a much more real feel.

The Rolling Stones were the first to receive an extensive hybrid reissue discography and now we have Dylan. I've stopped buying Beatles albums hoping that they'll get similar treatment but there doesn't seem to be anything definite on the horizon.

If I were to make you a tape right now...

If I were to make you a tape right now...

... it would probably have these songs.

Modest Mouse Float On
I picked up this song after opening a lucky bottle of Pepsi yesterday and I have listened to it about 15 times since then. The Mousers continue to emulate the sound of the Talking Heads and now are picking up a little of their sunny disposition as well. Also, new drummer Benjamin Weikel looks funny when he plays.

David Byrne You and Eye
Speaking of the Talking Heads, I revisited this used bin pick up earlier this week and found out it wasn't as bad as I remembered. Sure, it can't touch 90% of Talking Heads songs, Byrne's warm burbling guitars and conspicuous rhythm section work together to make a pretty charming song.

Funky Four plus 1 That's the Joint
Best known for being sampled by the Beastie Boys, this nearly eight minute jam shows just how amazing hip hop was before Yo! MTV Raps made it commercially viable. Featuring four funky DJs plus female DJ, this track has everything you could possibly want.

OutKast Happy Valentines Day
This song came into the playlist last Saturday and refused to leave. Hey, when arrows do not penetrate, Cupid reaches gets his pistol.

Money For Nothing

If I ever get rich and famous (of course I mean even richer and even more famous than I am now) and I need to negociate a contract, I'm hiring one man and one man only: Scott Boras.

At least three times in the past three years, Boras has gotten his clients more money than they should have been able to get. Boras, somehow, convinces teams to bid against themselves in the persuit of his free agents.

Yesterday, Boras' client Greg Maddux signed a 3-year, $24 million contract with the Chicago Cubs. This despite the fact no other team offered Maddux a contract. The Cubs originally offered 2 years and $10 million. Boras flirted with the San Francisco Giants. The Cubs upped the offer to 2 years and $14 million. Boras was in New York to announce the Alex Rodrigues trade (more on "A-Rod" in a bit). Rumors flew that Maddux would sign with the Yankees. And guess what? The Cubs increased their offer to the final numbers.

So, without anyone else bidding for Greg Maddux's services, Scott Boras got $14 million more out of the Cubs. Brilliant.

As I said, this isn't the first time. When Alex Rodriguez signed with the Rangers, no other team in baseball bid more than about $16 million per season. Boras got the Rangers to give A-Rod almost $23 million per season. This offseason, Ivan Rodriguez signed with the Tigers after once again Boras got the team to raise their offer even though nobody else offered him a contract for more than two seasons. The result? Four years, $40 million. Ka-ching.

Years from now when the big radio stations come after me, begging me to work for them I'll direct them to my agent -- the frozen head of Scott Boras.

Dog Daze is the proper headline

Which is the Better Pun: Dog Days or Dog Daze?

The Guardian's L.A. dispatch reporter, Dan Glaister has brought up the claim that America is an awards-obsessed culture, especially when it comes to canines. I'd expect this from Canadian parliament, but our friends in England's press? Tsk tsk.

I think the big problem with the column itself is that Glaister says that the big story in the US was not a.) primaries b.) janet jackson's nipple c.) bush's tv interview, but was a d.) dog show. He then mentions that he found out about Westminster in a news service e-mail where it was the third story listed. Out of the four options, I'd hope that the dog show would be number 3.

But Glaister also points out that nearly 4.6 million people watched the show last year... Astonishing for a dog show or for the UK, possibly, but for prime-time US television... it's a wet newspaper. Also amazing to Glaister is that there are 58 million dog owners in the US. But the key is that there are 293 million people in the United States. There are 60 million people in the UK. If you multiply all of Glaister's US figures by five, you can see why he has deemed dogs an abnormal craze... But as it is, it's nothing special.

What's obvious, though, is that there may be a small cultural rift between the US and the UK when it comes to awards and canines and awards for canines. We're not batty because of it, as Glaister might suggest; we're just different (I feel like I'm in a third world country defending myself against US reporters and tourists). It's an issue of size and population. We have space to keep large pets, so a sixth of the population does. As far as awards go... we have a large population of creative work and a somewhat similar coast-to-coast culture, so awards help our culture to pinpoint and document what the greater works are over time. And we enjoy giving awards for much the same reason; it helps to distinguish our favorite pieces. Personal rankings work similarly (Nick Hornby's cast of characters in High Fidelity were certainly willing participants). The system is, of course, filled with flaws, but anyone will tell you that; there aren't many highly regarded awards whose awarding is highly regarded. I know a few people who are obsessed with awards, and the nominees can often get very worked up about them, but most people are only casually interested in them if at all.

But look at me... preaching to the choir. Just remember folks, Canadia and Dan Glaister are in cahoots (sp?).

Two Things Everyone Should Know

Give me a couple days to confirm the universality of this, but it appears Chipotle has changed its salsa recipes. I grew suspicious on Monday when my meal was provided "on the house" after i asked for chips and salsa (maybe i should explain that I have a handful of "usual" items which half the employees have memorized... ). Why am I being offered free food from people who know I will be back every other day until I change jobs or they change their salsa recipes? A-HA!

Sure enough... The sacred has been defiled.

Green Chili (aka crack-cocaine aka medium-hot) has been turned into a horrid parody of itself, a tomato-y edge gives it the flavor of a watered-down generic jar salsa. Chili-Corn (aka medium aka THE CORN) supposedly has a stronger onion flavor. Mild (aka tomatoes aka mild) is indistinguishable to me so far but may have a little less cilantro. Red Chili (aka chiles de arbol aka ---><HOT><-- ) is basically all pepper so it's hard to tell the difference, but it's still TOO FREAKING HOT to eat without sour cream or the direct intent to prove one's ability to eat the hottest things on the planet.

Give out a holler if you're hearing me on this, but there was the Word of God and then there was Green Chili salsa from Chipotle. The divine spoke through us through these things and now we're stuck with the NIV of both. Yeah, it's all there... but where's the poetry? Do you feel it? Crisp, clean salsa taste found nowhere else...

Gone.

Je t'aime, Triomphe le chien comique d'insulte!

Je t'aime, Triomphe le chien comique d'insulte!

Unlike other commentators on this board, I think of Canada as a sweet, soft spoken older brother looking down lovingly from the North. Or at least I did until they started taking petty shots at one of Americas Favorite Sons. Fortunately, Conan was able to rise above but I'm not sure I'll be able to drink a Labatts without thinking twice for a long time.

Reviewing Makes the World Go 'Round

Article over at the New York Times looking at anonymous reviews on Amazon.com after the anonymity was negated on the Canadian version of the site. (OH CANADIA, WOT TUMULT THOU HAST INVOGUED!!!! (a phrase which I have just made up and hope to use more frequently when citing the wretches of Canada)).

Regular readers of this blog might find it a nice tie of New Media political anarchy and user review databases (from a few days ago).

"Nothing Else Behaves Like Me"

From Thomas Oliphant of the Boston Globe (which has been used as a primary source in recent media quagmire):

"However, the impression fostered more in the press than in politics that the inevitable existence of questions and gaps permits inferences about the answers and about what might be in the gaps is... pernicious."

I can't promise that I am not going to lament New/Old Media relations over the next year, but I'll at least promise to possibly keep it limited.

Only In America

Only In America...

...and perhaps Canada and England and maybe Japan. A single line from an overrated song requires a company to clarify the correct way to use their product.

I just yearn for the days of Kodachrome. Which, of course, was about 12 years before I was born. Hey ya, indeed.

i realize that i would be a more entertaining person if i were six inches shorter

It's not so much an issue of who started what, but that it's already started.

I've been flipping through alternative news sources over the past couple days and have been appalled at the coverage. Watch them bitch about the coverage, instead of actually providing ideal coverage. This is what you have to look forward to.

Get ready for eight months of democracy eating itself.

Good News for People Who Love Carson

Good News for People Who Love Carson

After rocking out with Modest Mouse on Wednesday, Carson Daily continues his string of surprisingly good musical guests with Death Cab For Cutie tonight. Past musical guests have also included Sonic Youth and Candy Butchers and many others whose homepage addresses I am too tired to type in right now. The point is that the one time terrible Last Call has nearly become almost watchable by catering to the snotty rock hipster set - something MTV, MTV2, and just about every other music venue on TV has given up on. Not to make a tired argument, but putting interesting music (even if its not popular) on TV can actually draw a sizeable audience.
And they'll even put up with Carson Daily.

Let's Get Political

Let's Get Political

If just for a second. Techno popster Moby (who created the very stellar album Play and many par-for-the-course electronic records) suggests lying on political-oriented message boards to incite dissent in Bush's presidential campaign.

The can says "Disgusting Worms" but Moby is too busy looking for the perfect sample that he never notices what he's opening.

I can only hoping he was joking.... but if this were to catch on, you could basically write-off the relevancy of democracy. I am not shitting you. I've seen Moby get tied up in a few political strangles recently, and what he absolutely does not understand is that your own weapons can be use against you. Basically, this kind of thing would start a war of disinformation in the New Media, and the Old Media would be too busy salivating over the maggots to actually fact-check.

Is it true that the ends can justify the means? Yes. Absolutely.

But we cannot actively endorse unsavory means to get our dessert. Just can't.

Record Store Review

Record Round-Up

After spending one of my morning walks to work planning an elaborate independent shop review / database site, I discovered that one has already been made. At least for record stores. It's a neat resource and I'd like to see it expanded. The problem is that by focussing on user reviews, the whole thing could turn south in a second. We've seen it happen on practically every other major database; individual reviews would be less than meaningless if it weren't already a suffix. So, the major sites generally either favor the Top Reviewer awards to those who consistently write well (or, well, write consistently) or just create a giant database giving average ratings and demographic stats. Smaller sites don't have the traffic to do the latter effectively, so they must rely on the former but don't have the traffic to effectively run "review the reviewer" scripts. Even on larger sites, the most interesting subjects and reviews get ignored or thrown into a giant

Maybe the large question is how do you effectively filter democracy? I haven't yet seen a system work extremely well at sorting out cheese from the deli meat (our own government included). This, incidentally, has been the subjct of talks between politicians and video game designers in the past week, as the two discovered their problems and solutions are almost identical. (I will link as soon as I can find it, but the story after being everywhere yesterday is buried today). A site I thought would filter well was Plastic. Plastic automatically assigns moderator status to frequent, registered readers which allows them to endorse the quality of individual posts. Two major problems have befallen Plastic. A. The left-leaning readership majority mods up liberal bitch-fest sessions, while conservative participants struggle to get "karma" points for even the most well thought out posts... (A well-recognized issue which generally frustrates the community's most active members.) B. As posts build up in popular conversations, readers use karma points to decide what to read, so fresh posts--no matter how astute--are ignored.

But.

Plastic is a pretty fair system and is one of the best, if not the best, mass public message boards on the internet.

I'm realizing I'm getting way too long with this post, so I'm going to stop for now and continue on specifically how an early era Plastic model could help sites like RSR from drowning in their own democracy.

Cheese Blog

Cheese Blog

I think of a lot of good ideas for blog entries on my walks to and from work, but with all the crazy stuff that happens on those walks.... I generally forget them.

I did remember this item though.

Someday if I ever get steenking rich and I feel like being mean, I'm going to go into specialty stores and ask for a clerk's advice on purchasing... say, a new ottoman or digi-cam. In order for this to work, I will also need them to suggest some really expensive luxury item. Then. I will mock it. But the trick is, I will demand to buy it because it is so hideously awful. "I never want to forget how horrible a thing this is," I might say as I chortle up the twenty dollar bills that will line my stomach.

Pause. Unpause.

This would completely crush the self esteem of the sales clerk because of their role in the exchange. If I call something "ugly" and leave, I've created a barrier of conflict. The clerk will think I'm a jerk and be on with his/her life. But if I patronize the clerk while insulting him, I force him to in some way agree with my statements in order to make the sale. In sales, we often become convinced by our own sales; at my store, we generally distrust Canon cameras because Canon pays us the least amount of money for selling their goods. Clerks often buy the things they sell because they've convinced themselves that it's something they need. It's something that can be turned back on them/us. And with it you can demolish their/our aesthetic taste.

Segway into Disney

Segway into Disney

I'm categorically against the Segway scooter, that crazy gyroscopic upright personal transport, as a means of transportation, especially to be used around pedestrians. In the words of Gregg Easterbrook, getting hit by one of those things would be like getting tackled by an NFL linebacker at full speed. I don't trust people's focus on navigating it enough to feel at all comfortable with them zipping around me. Maybe I should... But I know the way people are in crowded and/or interesting places, and motor vehicles aren't good to add into the mix.

Regardless. Disney World employees use them; I saw them a lot around Epcot when I went last spring, and I'm pretty sure I saw one or two at the other parks. Disney, I also seem to recall, was one of the major buyers of the Segways when they were first introduced.

I am not certain if Disney's ban on patron usage of the scooters instead of wheelchairs is straight out hypocrisy. But I do know that this really doesn't say much about Disney's confidence in the product. Another sign of the tremendous flop the Segway was/is. I remember that in the expo portion of Epcot, a staff member was showing it off... and you could tell everyone gathered around was waiting for a chance to try it. No such luck. Why? Because. They're friggin' dangerous around groups of pedestrians.

So, in Disney's defense, if someone came up to the front gate in a golf cart (which staff do use inside the park) I probably wouldn't let them in either. Those complaining about their rights to the Segways use could just as well be saying, "Not letting me drive around Disney World in my pick-up truck makes me feel more crippled".

Dig Dug

Sometimes, news from Mars is exciting and stupid at the same time.

Announcement

Announcements

Work is continuing on RF Proper; the Dogmi gallery is now working and you will see that American Ninja Underground is also on the front page of the site. (I will always post here when there is new content.)

There is a small problem with the Dogmi gallery system that I am looking into fixing. If you are experiencing any other difficulties with the site -- things not laid out properly, etc -- contact me via e-mail ( mike at robotsfighting.com ) with what browser you are using and exactly what the problem is (a screenshot is helpful if you have the time / capability).

In other news, former Kindler Ben Johnson is at EA doing some work on the Ultima X morpg project Odyssey.

Also, if you buy the new Dead or Alive game in Japan, you will get this. O Dead or Alive... solid games turned legendary by a little jiggling and a lot of cheesecake.

Doing My Part

Doing My Part

The following is a message to anyone who can't resist opening up an e-mail attachment because it might be something important...

It's not.

From CNN : MyDoom.A, also known as Novarg or Shimgapi, emerged nearly a week ago in the form of a spam e-mail message that contained a well-disguised virus attachment.

NOOOOOO! It's not well-disguised! It's a freaking e-mail attachment! You can't disguise an e-mail attachment!!! That's like saying that the bomb outside your front door was cleverly disguised as a bomb.

Well, maybe, even though it looks like a bomb it's actually a package from a long lost lover. Let's open it up and screw the entire world up the polar ice cap.

Also from CNN: Yes, so basically it disguises itself so there's no clear thing to look for.

Wait, wait... Even MyDoom's arrival as a no-body-text e-mail attachment (basically, saying to us plainly "I am a f**king virus"), is not a clear enough sign to tell there's a virus? TRULY... TRULY THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO! QUICKLY! TO THE PANIC ROOM! (Why do these explanations get buttered up in the news media?)

Honestly, I can be a little forgiving to people who are just coming to the internet and don't understand that it's not Disneyland... they don't understand that they cohabitate this space with other people who are more savvy and more exploitave than them. They need to learn this quickly, though. Perhaps a tour of the world, where they can see metropolises like CNN or AOL.com but also be driven by the vast frontiers of porn and piracy. Whatever the case, they're naive and the community needs to do its best to make them less so.

My problem is people who consistently get burned by viruses and scams. It's been explained to them, they've seen the results... but still... they just can't not click the freakin' e-mail attachment. They look at it and maybe they think for a second, "Hey... This is a little suspicious, maybe I should just delete it." But fantasies of Disney erotica and de-light-ful forwards override reason, and suddenly their computer is effectively disabled and Microsoft has lost $250 million. I hate these people, and I wish we had a way to make them go watch TV and leave the internet alone.

Seriously, don't be that guy.

And if you know that guy, BASH HIS BRAINS IN WITH THE CLOSEST SOLID OBJECT! DO IT NOW!

One in a Series

Beyonce's a Survivor

The girl's a class act, but a guy who isn't is Richard Hatch.

Honestly, I know why they picked who they did from the Borneo (I) cast, but the Sue and Jenna thing was over by the time the first season reunion special occurred. There's a good possibility that the oppurtunity for tension may never even arise (and there's no guarantee it will even then). I guess they selected the four fiercest players from season 1, but I would have rather seen Gervase or Colleen come back for a showing. You don't have to be in constant competition to win Survivor (Tina from Australia is good enough evidence of this), so why not bring back a few more interesting/fun characters?

Anyway, the downfall of many would-be contenders is that they get to playing "the game" too early. In its early stages, Survivor is about surviving; your group needs to stay as united as is possible in order to lay the groundwork for a strong post-merger showing. If you make too many enemies too early, if you let your tribe get picked off in immunity challenges, you're not going to last. You have no immunity protection from your own tribe nor can you make actual strategic or trust alliances based on immunity. In these first stages it is about tribal unity, not individual strength.

Richard, having been gone for half a dozen seasons, is way too anxious to play. He is playing as if he were only 5 people away from getting another million dollars already, pretending to hold all the secrets and promising to muckrake. He'll have to be on his toes if his actions cause his group to shatter. Even if he's around just to have fun screwing people over, he's not going to be doing it for long. Pride is his hubris, and he appears to be blinded by it right now.

I'm rooting for any member of the Africa cast, although I wouldn't mind if Colby got his dues for losing so graciously to Tina in the Outback.

You Can't Coach That

You Can't Coach That

So why watch a Superbowl between two semi-mediocre teams that you don't really care about? Okay, you might catch one or two good commercials but mostly you're going to see another championship game that doesn't feature your team.

And maybe, just maybe, you'll see a celebrity boob.

Viva la Superbowl!