The Second City Isn't Even That

Reporters across the city are visibly shocked and appalled that Chicago is not on the list of most recent probable targets for Al Qaeda.

You can almost hear the underlying stream of obscenities in their reports (vowels removed for the innocent), "Motherf*cking Newark? New-*ss-f*cking-ark? What the f*ck Al Qaeda? We're the motherf*cking sh*t dispensers for commodities f*cking exchange! You don't get your commodities sh*t lest you come to our f*cking door, b*tches."

Of course, the news has to remove more than the vowels. So, the reports are desperate pleas for Al Qaeda to consider Chicago as a target but because of our awesome security measures to not-even-think-about-it.

A person should, when discovering they are not the targets of a deadly and largely indefensible suicide attack, say to themselves some brief praise to a deity of their choice and/or persuasion. If they are a potential target, they might even avoid advertising to their enemies all the viable and important strategies and locations for such an attack.

But this is the "Second City". Chicagoans take great pride in our place on the ladder of national socio-political influence, and if we can't even have that... well, there's gonna be hell to pay. It's just a question of who's going to be paying.